


Legacy

by Anonymous



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Depends how you read it, Gen, Implied Mpreg, Implied Slash, Love/Hate, M/M, Not Slash, Parent-Child separation, Past Character Death, Past Mpreg, Platonic Relationships, Post-Episode: Timeslides, mentions of mpreg, post-series 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 18:38:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16046273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Lister makes a perfectly innocent request of Rimmer after making a discovery in the medi-bay.Discussion of Mpreg.





	Legacy

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know where the hell this idea came out of. I don’t even ship Lister/Rimmer in a big way. So just so we’re being clear, this is not really a shippy fic. There’s no discussion here of attraction or a relationship between them, and if I continued it, I don’t even think I’d get them together. I’ve given it the platonic tag just to make it easier to find, but the boys aren’t in a relationship. However, I don’t mind other people reading it with slashier goggles.
> 
> Post-‘Timeslides’ (Ruling out Rimmer’s brief appearance as a human as it makes no sense for this but I think it was essentially ignored in following episodes anyway). So this is between series 3-4 time, so they’re still mostly based in the officers quarters on Red Dwarf. Also this obviously deals a little with Lister's past canon pregnancy way back in the series 2 episode 'Parallel Universe'.

Lister was resting on his elbows at the table, staring forlornly at a Polaroid he held carefully between his fingers. He barely noticed when Rimmer strode into their shared quarters.

 

‘What’s that you’ve got there, Listy?’ asked Rimmer jovially.

 

When he received no reply, he peered over Lister’s shoulder to get a better look at the photograph in his hands.

 

‘Ah,’ said Rimmer, his voice softening slightly despite remaining irritatingly upbeat. ‘The twins.’

 

‘I really miss them, you know,’ said Lister softly, still gazing at the image of himself holding the babies. ‘I know I only had them for a few days, but... they were my  _kids_.’

 

Rimmer gave no reply, and when Lister finally looked up at him, he was standing very tall and stiff, lips twitching spasmodically. Lister knew that expression. Rimmer usually never missed an opportunity to laugh at his misfortune, but he had always been surprisingly restrained where Jim and Bexley were concerned. Yes, he’d thoroughly enjoyed the uncomfortable early days of Lister’s pregnancy, but as the months had progressed, and when the Holly Hop Drive had started malfunctioning, and the boys had so suddenly grown and had to leave... Well, Lister wouldn’t describe Rimmer’s behaviour as comforting or helpful, but he’d at least kept his mouth largely shut. Actually, he was quite sure that Rimmer had actually felt sorry for him at that time.

 

‘I just thought I’d get to actually _raise_ them,’ he said, shaking his head and returning his attention to the photograph.

 

‘Yes,’ said Rimmer finally, clearing his throat. ‘I _was_ expecting you to be in for the long-haul on that occasion.’ He took the seat beside Lister, crossing his arms as he regarded him curiously. ‘You’re not _still_ feeling down about being stuck in deep space with virtually no hope or future, are you?’

 

Rolling his eyes at Rimmer’s sing-song voice, Lister shook his head again.

 

‘Not exactly – Maybe.’

 

Looking at the photo, he was just hoping that the separation had truly been worth it, and that Deb got a decent amount of time to parent their boys. Despite his having known that Bexley was to pass away young, he was now all-too aware that it would have broken his heart to actually live through the experience. He hoped their relocation would also have changed the fate of his son. He _had_ given him and Jim a tip off before they left; to take special precautions when fixing Navicomps.

 

‘Do you want kids, Rimmer?’ Lister asked suddenly.

 

‘Oh...  _love_ – _marriage_ – _children_ –’ groaned Rimmer disdainfully.

 

‘I _know_ your feelings about love,’ Lister interrupted, ‘but – did you ever have any drive to carry your legacy on? Or even just the family name?’

 

‘You’ve heard me talk about my family, Lister.’

 

‘Yeah, but that wouldn’t have to affect _your_ kids. You'd know how to handle them better.’

 

Rimmer hesitated.

 

‘You think I’d make a good dad?’ he asked incredulously.

 

‘I think you have potential,’ said Lister, nodding. ‘I know your upbringing wasn’t the best, and I know you’d want it to be different for a kid of your own.’

 

‘I don’t know, Lister. I’m a man of the world. I don’t want to be tied down.’

 

‘Really?’ said Lister, watching him knowingly. ‘That’s interesting, ‘cause I found your donation in the medi-bay for the fertility program.’

 

Rimmer's face fell.

 

‘And how the hell did you find that?’ he asked.

 

‘I had a look through the sperm bank, didn’t I?’ chuckled Lister.

 

‘Wha- How dare you!’

 

‘Rimmer, _my_ sample’s there, too. I was just curious to see if it was still around.’

 

‘Why; did you think some poor, deranged woman would raid the lab for _your_ love-juice in her desperation to procreate?’

 

‘No!’ said Lister defensively, throwing the photograph down and scratching his head. ‘I was just curious – _I_ gave my sample along with my blood for the DNA records, same as everyone else. I was just _surprised_ to notice that yours was actually listed under that program.’

 

‘What?’ said Rimmer blithely. ‘I was invited to take part. Clearly the doctors saw my superior genetics and knew my specimen would be of great value one day.’

 

‘Oh, come _on_.’

 

Rimmer grimaced.

 

‘Well – I suppose I _had_ intended to have a family at some point. I actually thought it might be the _one_ thing I could do to please my parents and not have it be compared to my brothers’ attempts. But – after several dry months when I hadn’t had diddly-squat from any of the women on the ship, I suppose it crossed my mind – that I might want to consider the possibility of children some other way. Or at least – _save up_ the possibility while I was young.’

 

He scowled in embarrassment, and Lister gave him a look.

 

‘There’s no need to be ashamed,' said Lister. 'I’d _love_ a baby.’

 

They sat together in silence for a moment, both staring into space.

 

‘ – What?’ said Rimmer, after a short while.

 

‘What?’ said Lister, snapping out of a daze and frowning at him.

 

‘What did you just say, then?’

 

‘...I said I’d love a kid. You know, like probably half of humanity does?’

 

‘That’s different. When most people say they want a family, they say they want kids. Or a family. You said “baby”.’

 

‘Yeah, so?’

 

‘You want another child _now_?’

 

‘So, what? I can want one if I like. In fact, I could probably _have_ one if I like.’

 

 _‘Have_ – ’ Rimmer’s jaw dropped. ‘I didn’t even realise you could still – ’ He gestured up and down at Lister.

 

‘Yeah, Kryten told me after the birth,’ said Lister casually. ‘He also said I might need to take precautions if I have sex ever again. I think that was only with a woman, though. I don’t think even in the other universe I could conceive naturally, you know – with a man.’

 

He watched Rimmer taking in his words, and began chewing on his fingernails slightly as he waited for the response.

 

‘Lister...’ Rimmer began slowly. ‘Why are we having this conversation?’

 

‘I know it might seem crazy, but the more I thought about it, the more it just seemed to make sense. There is a way for us – _both_ of us – to be parents.’

 

‘Are you completely mad?!’ said Rimmer, uncrossing his arms to grip the sides of the chair and gawp at Lister.

 

‘Calm down, Rimmer!’ hissed Lister shooting a look over at the door.

 

‘Calm down?! Calm down; are you even hearing yourself?!’

 

‘It’s just a _suggestion_ , Rimmer – after all, your sample’s still down there. All of it, by the looks of things. In case you wanted to know.’

 

‘I can’t believe this!’

 

‘Look, a family is just something I’ve always really wanted.’

 

‘Why in smeg wouldn’t you go for a _woman’s_ donation, then?’

 

‘I did _think_ about it – ’

 

‘Did Kochanski donate?’

 

‘ _Yes_.’

 

‘So why not her?!’

 

‘Because she’s not around anymore.’

 

‘Neither am I!’

 

‘No, you’re not alive, but you’re still _around_. I can ask your permission, can’t I? I can’t have a child with someone who’s dead. People weren’t giving their samples to the program so that just _anyone_ could get kids off them.’

 

Rimmer’s nostrils flared as he guffawed and crossed his arms again. The look he was giving Lister was almost one of being impressed.

 

‘ – _Well_ ,’ he said, ‘while I’m terribly flattered you chose me for this hideous do-it-yourself job, I had a vision of how my life would be if I ever had children, thank you very much. As you say, _I_ donated with the intention of fathering a child with some beauteous, buxom young maiden. Not some fat git with more curry stains on his vest than thread counts.’

 

‘And it _could_ still be like that for you, Rimmer – if we make it to Earth or find some other people. I’m not here to force you over this! It was just a _request_. And it’s not like I’m asking for a relationship. I mean, if you didn’t want you wouldn’t even have to play dad to it. _I_ would do everything.’

 

‘Lister, you can barely take care of yourself. You drink, you smoke, and you have a diet that would make a dog with diarrhoea question its dietary choices. You have no particular skills or prospects, and as for any support circle... I mean; a senile computer, an emotionally-damaged bog-bot, a creature suffering from the viral form of stupidity... and just _who_ did Holly resurrect just to keep you sane? Me! And we were never even friends.’

 

‘ _Exactly_ , man. That’s why I thought it could be quite a good idea. You weren’t just a last resort, you know? You have all these _standards_ and _boundaries_. I figured that you could be the sensible parent and then I could be the fun one. Between us we might not screw the kid up that much.’

 

Rimmer frowned.

 

‘You really have gone completely insane, Lister. I mean I knew it was inevitable, you being around such a handsome young buck, but my _God_ I never imagined it would manifest itself _this_ way.’

 

Lister sighed.

 

‘I’m not _attracted_ to you, Rimmer; I just want to have a baby with you!’

 

‘How would it even work?!’ Rimmer’s eyes popped slightly and he clapped a hand to his forehead, covering his H. ‘No – ! Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.’

 

‘Well, Kryten said we’d need to do a bit of messing about, but I have all the plumbing left I'd need for the foetus to gestate,’ Lister explained sagely.

 

Rimmer was staring at him again, his arm still raised.

 

‘What? I did take _some_ interest while I was pregnant, you know!’ Lister deflated, throwing his hands down. ‘Look, fair enough, man. You don’t want this – so that’s the end of it. You just don’t know what it’s like, holding your babies in your arms one minute, then having to say goodbye forever.’

 

Rimmer stood then, visibly shaken as he walked towards the exit.

 

‘Look,’ he said, pausing by the door. ‘Don’t think I wouldn’t give my left testicle to see you roaming about the ship looking like you’ve swallowed an incoming planetoid again, but whoever fathers... mothers... _whatever_ this kid – just think of the _life_ you’d be introducing it to. We _haven’t_ found a way back to Earth.’

 

‘No, but we’re _gonna_. The kid would have the whole of the ' _Dwarf_ to explore and we could show it Earth through telly and VR. I mean, the _Cat_ and thousands of generations before him were raised here okay.’

 

‘And _where_ are those cats now?’ asked Rimmer meaningfully.

 

Lister sighed.

 

‘I s’pose you’re right,’ he said, giving the photograph of Jim and Bexley one last look as he stood up. ‘It’s an opportunity, though. For both of us.’

 

‘We are _not_ speaking about this again,’ said Rimmer sternly, pointing at him.

 

‘All right, man,’ said Lister, nodding at him courteously as he walked past him and out of their quarters.

 

Rimmer gaped after him in disbelief. He turned around to call Holly and maybe request a memory wipe, only to stop when he spotted the Polaroid still on the table.

 

He closed his mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> We all know how Rimmer can sit in chairs and stuff despite the softlight thing so I have described him interacting with basic objects via his ‘small physical presence’. Also, no I’m probably not going to clarify what the hell the ‘fertility program’ actually was. Or how potential conception would work. Because I’m lazy.
> 
> Does anyone want another chapter? Let me know! ^_^


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